Showing posts from February, 2013

An Intense Infertility Consultation

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that I was pregnant and in labor at the hospital. It was glorious. My husband and I were still trying to narrow down the list of names for our new baby girl. We were so excited. I woke up inside another dream in which we had guests over at our house and I was telling one of my friends about the dream I had. She said, “That’s funny, because I have really been thinking that you must be pregnant. Sometimes I can just tell.” And I decided to take a pregnancy test.

Then I woke up to real life.

In my real life this morning I was preparing to go to my very first appointment with a fertility specialist. Because I’m not pregnant. Because I can’t stay pregnant. It was hard to wake up from a dream full of possibility and then face this reality. But I have really had peace lately about what God is doing in my life. I have made it through four pregnancy losses and yet still I have this great relationship with God - maybe better than it’s ever been bef…

A Bunny Update

Many of you readers know that we have had baby bunnies around here. It has been very exciting and at times a little challenging. But I love these bunnies because of what they represent to me. Maybe you’ll remember that on the day I lost my sweet baby Jude Michael, our bunny Daphne gave birth to her first litter of kits - nine little baby bunnies. It was so amazing to see how tiny they were and to see how naturally Daphne nurtured them. She has been such a good momma! Seeing God bring these nine tiny lives into the world on the day he took my fifth child home to be with Him reminded me that it is He who opens the womb and He who gives life to all creatures. To me it was a sign that He is not finished with my family yet. Just as Daphne gave birth to those nine tiny pink and gray babies, I do believe that one day God will add another child to my own family.

Watching the baby bunnies grow and change was really amazing. They grow and mature so quickly! When they are first born they have no …

In His Time

Today when I woke up, I just knew it was going to be one of those emotional days for me. It’s Sunday, and I could just tell that God had something for me. In our adult Bible class our teacher spent some time talking about being patient and waiting for God’s will. It was a refreshing, yet painful reminder. He said that often we are in a hurry, but God never is. Wow. God is never in a hurry. He doesn’t have to rush around to get things done. He does them when the time is right and never a moment sooner (or later).

Obviously I am prone to this rushing mentality. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a planner and that sometimes I allow my plans to distract me from what God has for me. That has certainly been the case with my family planning. How hard it is to simply say out loud that God is not in a hurry to give me another child. He knows what is the best timing for our family and if he chooses to add another child to it He will do it when the time is right.

Later in the morning our pastor brou…

Little Things Make a Big Difference

A couple of months ago, after I sent my sweet Nathaniel Ellis to heaven, one of my friends gave me this sweet gift. It was meant to be a pick-me-up and it sure was! I could tell she had spent a lot of time choosing each item that went into the gift and decorating everything. It was all so beautiful and did exactly what it was designed to do - it picked me up! What a sweet way for her to show me that she loves me and was thinking of me. I am inspired by her and by this gift to try to find ways to encourage others with gifts. I’m not very good at giving gifts, in fact I’m terrible at it, but this sweet friend showed me that any kind of gift can be meaningful.  Thanks girl! I love you!

A couple of weeks ago another friend of mine made me this beautiful piece of art. It has five hearts that are all connected. Each heart bears the name of one of my children, including one for my two-year-old daughter. It reminds me of something I would have made or purchased if all of my children were livin…

He Is There!

Several years ago I came across this song. I was going through a particular struggle in my life at the time and really wrestling with God. There was something I wanted that He chose to take away from me. And the lyrics of this song reminded me that no matter what is happening in my life, God is there and He has a plan for me!

by Avalon

I wonder how it must have felt
When David stood to face Goliath on a hill
I imagine that he shook with all his might
Until You took his hand, and held on tight

'Cause You were there, You were there
In the midst of danger's snare
You were there, You were there always
You were there when the hardest fight
Seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So there he stood upon that hill
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill
But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans
And just in time, You brought a lamb

'Cause You were there,
You were there
In the midst of the unclear
You were there, you were there al…