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Showing posts from August, 2013

Happy Birthday Leilani Rose

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Tomorrow is her birthday. One year ago she left me. She went from my body straight into Jesus’ arms. I still miss her so much.


It’s amazing what can happen in a year. For me, May 2012 to May 2013 could look like this: - diagnosis involving my fertility - blocked tube - fertility drugs - ectopic pregnancy - back to back miscarriages - meeting with specialist - miracle pregnancy!

Or, it could look like this: - I had no idea where my path would take me, but I trusted God. - He led me through some of the most treacherous ground I have ever walked. - But he stayed right with me and even carried me in many places. - I have grown and am still becoming a better person because of that journey. - God has blessed me with a chance to be mommy to a new little girl - praise Him!

Leilani was an answer to my prayers. I begged God to allow me to get pregnant. After over a year of actively trying, He showed me that it was in His hands and that He could give me a child. He taught me to trust Him, even when…

The Bitter Infertile

I can’t remember where I first heard the term “bitter infertile” but I remember that the term seemed to kind of slap me in the face. What an unfeeling way to refer to a woman who is struggling through infertility! But the more I have pondered that term, the more I realize that it’s an ugly term because it’s an ugly thing to be. Bitter. Harsh, disagreeable, antagonistic. Who wants to be around that? A better question - who wants to be that?
Not me.
But then, that’s so easy to say. “I don’t want to be bitter.” Honestly, I don’t think any woman who has waited years to have a baby looks in the mirror and says, “I want to be a terrible, mean, harsh person that no one enjoys being around.” So how does it happen? I have met lots of women this past year who have spent time battling infertility. And I have seen just a few who have become bitter.
What does a “bitter infertile” look like? Perhaps the more accurate question is, what does a “bitter infertile” sound like?
“Why does she get to …

That We May Be Able To Comfort Others

God gave me a unique opportunity yesterday to pour my own grief and experiences into an hour or so of ministering to a dear, sweet friend. For me it was a profound experience and I am so thankful the Lord was able to use me in this small way.
This sweet friend of mine delivered her full-term, beautiful baby boy stillborn yesterday. It is a story I have heard many times in my support group, but one I can never fully grasp or understand, and one I certainly didn't expect to happen to someone I knew. My heart broke for her when I received the news and I spent the next hour or two weeping and crying, pouring my heart out to God, begging Him to give this sweet couple the grace they would need, and knowing that I’ll never fully understand what they are going through.
I instantly thought of the stories I have listened to and tried to think of what would be important for this couple in the days and months ahead. I know everyone is different, but I wanted to be sure that their little boy had…