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Showing posts from 2015

I Am One In Four

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Did you know that? Did you know that one in four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage or pregnancy loss? Several years ago, I didn’t know it either. It seems to be one of those things you don’t notice until you lose a baby.

I lost a baby. I lost four babies. And the losses changed me. After the excitement of deciding that we were ready to have a baby, my husband and I were shocked when we sat in the doctor’s office and learned that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t even know what an ectopic pregnancy was. I had never heard that term before. The education was swift and painful. The baby had never made it to my uterus. It was growing in my fallopian tube and there was nothing anyone could do to save it. I said goodbye to my baby on the same day that I learned he existed.

Some healing came when I gave birth to a healthy baby girl the next year. Penelope. She is a treasure to me! We couldn’t wait to give her a sibling. But the waiting g…

The Life God Wanted Me To Have

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It has been a long time since I have sat down to really write about my journey. It’s been over two years since I said goodbye to a baby. A lot has changed since then. God gave me a healthy baby, the answer to my prayers! And with her arrival, life became much busier and more demanding. I haven’t had time to write - at least, I haven’t cared to make the time to write. Because I have been spending that precious time with my girls. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.


I remember when I was in the thick of my grief, when I was saying goodbye to babies, finding out terrible news about my fertility, and wondering if I would ever have another child, that I often asked God WHY He was allowing this to happen to me. I’m not sure I will ever fully understand why, but now I know that God was using those events in my life to shape my future, my family, and my perspective. He was leading me to the life He wanted me to have.

Because I have lost, I now savor.

Every day, when I tuck my four-year-old in…