Safe and Sound

Last night I had a dream that brought a lot of old familiar feelings rushing back. I dreamed that I had a baby I couldn’t keep. I reveled in being able to see her and touch her and yet my heart ached because I knew it couldn’t last. Of course there were a lot of things in the dream that wouldn’t make sense in real life, that’s how dreams go. But ultimately, I knew she was a baby that wouldn’t survive.

I know that sounds really morbid, but after losing four babies in early pregnancy, I have often wondered what they would have looked like. Were they boys or girls? Who were they? I won’t know until I reach heaven and I long for the day that I will get to wrap my arms around them and tell them how much I love them.

Having such a dream put me in a fragile state of mind this morning. I prayed that God would give me strength and grace and that this wouldn’t have to be one of “those days” where I can’t keep it together. They don’t come as often now, but every once in a while one of them still creeps in. And as I was praying, I heard the most beautiful sound - a baby crying. My baby. My beautiful, sweet, healthy Ariani. I scooped her up in my arms and breathed her in deeply and couldn’t even find the words to express my gratitude to God. All I could say was “thank You.”

The words to a song came to my mind as I snuggled my little girl this morning and I wanted to share them. It’s a song called Safe and Sound by Matthew West. (Of course. Who else?) And today as I still grieve the loss of four precious babies, I praise God for the beautiful miracle baby that he has blessed me with - Ariani Celeste.

If you are still waiting for your answered prayer, please don’t give up! Don’t lose hope. And while you wait, remember that God prunes those who are useful to Him, those who can grow and become strong and beautiful because of the pruning. And I hope someday you will be able to thank God for your own miracle.

Safe and Sound

Can't believe you're here now

Tiny dream come true

The answer to a prayer now

I'm so in love with you

Couldn't wait to meet you

Hope you like your name

I get the funny feeling

Life will never be the same

Safe & sound

You're here with me now

Like I hoped you'd be

Safe & sound

You're here with me now

And that's all I'll ever need

The world's a scary place here

But baby, it's alright

I'll make sure the coast is clear

So you can just sleep tight

But if you're afraid of monsters

Like everybody is

I'll be right beside you

Closer than a kiss

Safe & sound

I'm here with you now

And you will always be

Safe & sound

I'm here with you now

And that's all you'll ever need

Someday I'm gonna teach you

The reason why we pray

So that Heaven's love may reach you

Every single day

So baby, close your eyes now

And say a prayer with me

Lord, I lay me down to sleep now

But I know I will be

Safe & sound

You're here with us now

And we will always be

Safe & sound

You're here with us now

And that's all we'll ever, all we'll ever need

You're all we'll ever need