Those Tiny Clothes

How long is too long to hold on to those tiny clothes? Those of you who have experienced secondary infertility will know what I’m talking about. After your first child grows out of their baby stuff you keep most of their things - the bouncer, the exersaucer, the swing, the crib, and all of those tiny clothes. If you’re like me you have six or seven tubs just full of baby clothes. But once you realize that you may not have another child you start to feel silly for keeping all of that stuff.

At one point about a year ago I went through and cut the amount of what I would keep in half. All that stuff was just taking up so much room in my house! So I carefully chose what I could not part with and gave the rest away. I remember someone saying, “But what if your next child is a girl? Won’t you want all those clothes?” Believe me, I still had more than enough for that scenario. But as more time passes that scenario becomes more and more unlikely.

So the question is, how long do I keep all this stuff? Do I think it’s impossible that I’ll have another child? No. I don’t think it’s impossible. But sometimes I feel like all this baby stuff is just one more way I’m putting pressure on myself. If I keep it, I feel like I’m being unrealistic. If I get rid of it, I will feel like I’m giving up on God answering my prayers. But for now I just feel the weight of all this baby stuff, the tiny clothes. They are like a burden - a reminder of what I don’t have.

I feel the same way about my maternity clothes. A couple of times last year I got them out and sorted through them trying to decide which things I could wear and what I might need to buy. And then I lost the baby and had to put it all away again. (Last month I didn’t even bother getting them out.)

Maybe I should just donate all of this stuff to people who could really use it - maternity clothes, baby clothes, swings, car seats. Honestly, I feel like if God does give us another child I would almost want to start over anyway - put all of this behind me and start fresh. But then again, that stuff can really add up and it’s not prudent to replace something I already have. So I guess for now I’ll just try to ignore all of those boxes stacked up in the closet and the guest room. And I’ll keep praying that God will give me a chance to use it again.

Have you experienced this in some way? What are you holding on to - hoping you’ll use again?