Remembering

We all go through hard things in life. There is just no way around that. And a lot of times we hear that we need to move on and stop looking back. But I think perhaps it is more important that we strike a balance. Although we shouldn’t remain wrapped up in the past, we shouldn’t forget it either. It is our past experiences that shape us and teach us. We must keep the lessons we have learned from the things we have been through.

Because I recently went through my second ectopic pregnancy I started remembering the first. At that time I was younger and had not been trying for nearly as long to get pregnant. It was a difficult loss, but I was able to move on because the Lord gave me a successful pregnancy less than two months later. Now, having lost two precious babies I wanted a way to remember them. I wanted to remember the gifts God let me carry just for a few short weeks. I needed a way to symbolize these treasures I would never get to hold.



When I asked my husband if I could order the necklace, he just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure.” He didn’t really know what I needed or how to help me recover emotionally. I didn’t expect him to. These types of losses are so much more real to a woman that they usually are to a man. I spent a few hours online looking for the perfect piece of jewelry to honor the three pregnancies God had given me. When I found it I knew it was the one I wanted.



 


Three small stones on a heart - three stones representing my three babies. One represents my 2-year-old daughter, of course. A green stone for her August birthday. The pink stone represents the baby I lost in October of 2009. I chose to use the month of the pregnancy loss because that was the month that meant the most to me. The other green stone represents the one I lost just last month.

Maybe some people wouldn’t feel comfortable with a representation of the babies they never met. But I needed something I could see and touch to remind me of what I lost. This was part of my healing process. Perhaps it doesn’t even make sense that this part of my healing process is also the thing that reminds me of my loss.  But I don’t want to forget about it. I want to remember, because in remembering I am reminded of my God who has never left my side. I am reminded of my sweet little girl who is more of a treasure to me now than she has ever been. I am reminded that God is sovereign; He gives and He takes away, but He will never leave me nor forsake me. I don’t want to forget. I want to remember.




(I want to give credit where it is due... If you are interested in a necklace like this it can be ordered here.)


Update: 3 January 2013

I have since added a fourth charm for the baby I lost on October 20th and a fifth for the one I lost December 30th. (Visit the "my story" page for links to these stories.) This is what my necklace looks like now! I love it!



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