Those Tiny Clothes, Part 2
I did it.
I finally sorted through my maternity and baby clothes. I have been dreading it for a while now, but this morning I just knew it was time. I felt like they were weighing me down. All these clothes that I’ll probably never need again that I’m just holding onto because I’m afraid to let go. It was hard.
Of course I did keep some of it. This process takes time. Last summer I went through and pulled out about half to give away. Today I pulled it all out again and removed about two thirds of what was left. So now I’m down to one box of baby clothes and one box of maternity clothes. In several more months I might finally be at the place where I can just give it all away. We’ll see.
I’m sure you are probably thinking, Who cares about baby clothes? Why is that difficult? But for me, it’s not about the clothes. It’s about what they represent. My chance at having another baby who might wear them. The doctor tells me that it’s very unlikely I’ll conceive again. Not impossible, but unlikely. And then when you add common sense to that scenario it doesn’t take long to realize that even if God does give me another child, what are the chances that it will be a girl who is born in the summer? It’s silly to hold on to these clothes that I’ll never need or use. And if God does give me another summer girl? Well I’m pretty sure I will feel like I deserve to enjoy the baby shopping experience all over again. Don’t you think?
Like I said, I have been dreading saying goodbye to these clothes. But then this morning I found the perfect motivation. I have a friend who has battled infertility even longer than I have. She still has no children of her own. And she is now in the process of adopting! I am so excited for her and I knew that she was the right person to give these clothes to. Being so excited for her makes it easier to take this step. Because if anyone deserves a huge tub of adorable baby clothes, it’s her. I guess I feel like I can’t keep these baby clothes forever waiting for my miracle. And since her miracle will arrive in just a few months, this just felt right.
Another big step I took today was getting rid of the bed that was in our spare bedroom and clearing that room out so that we can make it into a more usable space. I’m not quite sure what that means yet, but we will probably end up with a room that functions as an office, hobby room, and storage area all at once. I haven’t really done anything to that bedroom for a long time. I have just let it sit there and collect junk because I figured once I was ready to prepare a nursery for a new baby I would have the motivation to deal with it and the vision for what it should become. But it’s been almost two years now and we still have no need for a nursery.
I know that God can still give me another child. And I’m still praying that He will. But sitting around waiting for something that may or may not happen can drive a person crazy. Instead of waiting I feel like it’s important that we just act, move, carry on - we need to live our lives fully, even though all the while we’re still hoping for a change. So clearing out the spare room is a physical way to do just that. We have no baby, no need for a nursery, so we are going to use this room for something else. We will use what we have instead of letting it go to waste.
I think sometimes God needs us to clear out all the junk we’ve been storing so that we can make room for the things He has for us. Too many times we hold on mentally and emotionally to things that are not meant for us. There are a million ways I can apply this in my own life. It seems like I’m frequently waiting for the next big thing and ignoring the wonderful life God has given me now. It’s so easy to complain about our possessions - car, house, furniture - and wistfully look ahead to the days when we’ll finally have something bigger, better, newer. But what a waste of these days we’re in now to live that way. Some parents look forward to the days when their children are bigger, grown, and self-sufficient in such a way that they are despising the blessings God has given them today, the chance to soak up the way a child loves simply and eagerly while they are young enough to still be so needy.
I feel so challenged by the progress I made today in clearing out the physical junk in my home. I am ready to look hard in my own heart to find out what is taking up space there that should be cleared out. It’s time to make room for the things that God has for me at this specific time in my life!
(If you didn't read Part 1, you can find it here.)