Happy Birthday Ezra

It’s hard to believe that it has been four years. In a matter of minutes I discovered I was pregnant only to be told that I would not get to have the baby. After months of trying I had started to worry that maybe getting pregnant wasn’t going to be “easy” for me. And then when I finally had become pregnant, it was a pregnancy in my tube. Emergency surgery was my only option. I was numb.

It took me a long time to really deal with this loss. When I lost the baby who I later named Ezra Grey, I had no idea how long and difficult my path would become. I thought I could just try to forget so that it wouldn’t bother me. Perhaps that’s normal. But now when I remember that day and the pain and confusion it brought into my life, I am thankful that I had the chance to be Ezra’s mommy, even if I was only able to carry him for a matter of weeks.

Ezra means “strong.” And my God has been so faithful to me and has helped me to grow stronger through saying goodbye to my babies. God has given me His strength when I had none of my own. I am so thankful that I have not had to walk this road alone but that the Great Comforter has been with me through it all!

Baby Ezra,

You’ve been in heaven for four years! I can’t believe it. It makes my heart glad to know that you have probably already met three of your siblings. I can’t wait until I get to be with you as well. Know that thinking of you makes my heart glad, even though I am sad that I never got to hold you and that you didn’t get to stay with me longer. God has used you to be a blessing to other people here on earth. Isn’t that amazing? He has given your life meaning here with me even as He has give you a purpose there with Him.

   I love you.

- Mommy