Growing In My Heart

I have always heard adoptive mothers say things like, “You didn’t grow in my tummy, but you grew in my heart.” I knew what they meant, but now I truly understand it. It’s almost like a whole new kind of pregnancy.

I think about our future child constantly. She is literally always on my mind. I wonder what she will look like, what kind of personality she will have, what her name is, how old she is. I have dreams about her almost every night. I can’t see her face, but she is there, part of our family, my daughter.

I walk into her bedroom and try to imagine her in it. I look at my girls in the backseat of the car and imagine her with them. I think about how it will be when three of them are arguing over whose turn it is to use the bathroom first. I can’t wait for our first family photo session as a family of five.

I feel like I’m nesting. I have been moving furniture and clothes and toys around while getting Ariani moved into Penny’s room. I’m cleaning out closets and looking online at bedroom decorations and bedding. But I can’t buy much because my new child will likely have an opinion on how she wants her room decorated, so I’m waiting for her before I buy those things. But it’s still fun to look and imagine.

Perhaps the craziest part is the fact that for us, adopting is like expecting a child without a due date. But that’s okay. God’s in charge of the timing and I know He will send her to us at just the right time. I can’t wait!

image from: http://worshipfulliving.com/2016/05/01/growing-in-my-heart-an-adoption-planner/