The Catalyst

Since writing those words in my journal five years ago, life has taken so many twists and turns. A fourth pregnancy lost. A healthy baby born a year later. Losing David’s brother, Andrew. Moving to a new home. Multiple jobs and career changes for David. Stepping back into the classroom this year. Life has happened. A crazy, ordinary life.

A year ago, around Mother’s Day, I listened to a sermon by Alex Himaya about adoption. And it moved me so much. I had not forgotten the call I felt from God that day in 2012, but He just hadn’t yet shown me when or how He wanted me to answer that calling. I didn’t wrestle with the decision to move toward orphan care, but I did wrestle with how to bring it up to my husband. I was nervous that he would think I was crazy, or shoot the idea down right away, or write it off as a crazy idea I would get over in a few weeks.

He didn’t do any of those things. I told him I was interested in foster care or adoption and that I really felt that we should pursue it in the near future. He simply said that he agreed with me and he thought we should do it! I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t expected it to be that easy. We both knew the time wasn’t right. David was about to start a year of night school and would be gone a lot during that coming year. But we set a goal to start the ball rolling before the end of 2018.

Fast forward to Sunday morning, June 3rd, 2018. I was scrolling through Facebook while I finished my coffee. My family was getting dressed for church. And I saw a short news video about a 10-year-old girl who was waiting to be adopted. Before I read the story or watched the video clip, I felt my heart leap in my chest. There was something about that little girl -- I wanted her to be my little girl. “Babe,” I said to my husband as he walked by me in the living room. “This little girl needs to come live with us. She needs us.” At first he chuckled, as though I had just asked if we could adopt a kitten. But I looked at him and said, “I’m serious. She wants a mom, dad, siblings, pets… we have all of those things. We can give her what she needs!”

I could not get that sweet child off my mind. All day long, I fidgeted in church, trying to concentrate but really just thinking about her, about adopting, about finally answering this call from God. I couldn’t stop bringing it up to my husband either. It was like I had no control over my words. They just kept pouring out. That night, I asked him if he honestly still wanted to foster in the future and he said that he would really rather adopt than just do foster care. It was exactly what I wanted to hear.

Just two days later, I made the call to DHS to apply to be adoptive parents. The following days were spent anxiously awaiting the call I would get to provide the rest of our information so that we could be assigned a caseworker. I could not wait to get started. I am not naive. I know that this will be a long, hard road. I know that it will take ages and that we’ll have to go through loads of red tape, and that it won’t be easy to be matched with a child. I know that the child who comes to live with us will most likely be dealing with past trauma and will struggle to attach to our family. I know that my marriage will be stretched and tested. I know that my biological children will be tested as well.

But I know, in my heart of hearts, I know that God is guiding us towards this wonderful gift. And I know that while we are seeking to be a blessing to a child in need, He will grow us in wonderful and complex ways while we trust Him through the process.

Will the little girl from that video come to live with us? I don’t know. In my mind, I picture someone like her being added to our family. But the road ahead is so long, and chances are she will be matched with another family before we are even approved. For now, I pray for her, that God will hold her while she waits and that she will be matched with a family who will love her and lead her toward Him. And for now, I have hope that we can be that family!