Not Just My Dream - Our Dream

(Journal entry from 9 June 2018)

I love when God makes something so clear. But sometimes I get so used to things being muddy, that I can’t accept His clear calling for what it is. For the past few years, every time I have heard God’s call to adopt, I have always assumed I would have to convince my husband to do this with me. I don’t know why I doubted that God would speak to him as clearly as He did to me, but for whatever reason, I just thought David would resist the idea. And yet, he never has.

Every single time I have mentioned the idea of fostering or adopting, David has been unemotional and responded with a “Yes, I think that’s a good idea,” “Yes, I agree with you,” “Yes, I think we should do it.” And still, I doubted he would actually want to follow through.

This week especially, as we are finally taking the first real steps toward adoption, I have been waiting for the words of doubt to come from his lips. Every day I would ask, “How are you feeling about this? What are you thinking? Are you sure you want to do this? Do you have any reservations?” I gave him so many chances to worry, panic, doubt, or change his mind. And he never did.

My husband is a man of few words, so even though he always answered my questions with a simple, “Yes, I’m sure,” or “No, I don’t have any hesitations,” I still worried that he had some reservations he just wasn’t mentioning.

How could I be so simple? How could I doubt God’s ability to call my husband just as He has called me?

After six days in a row of these short conversations where I worried and David reassured me, God finally gave me what I needed. David opened up a little more and shared with me how he had really felt for some time now that there was room in our family for one more. He told me he isn’t scared of adding another child to our family and he can see that the timing is finally right. This isn’t just my dream or my calling -- it’s OURS.

I’m excited to go on this journey with him, with our girls. I don’t think I have ever been as sure of a life decision as I am about this one. I know it will be a roller coaster, but I have my man by my side, support from my children and a God who never leaves me.

Can’t wait to be a family of FIVE!