Twelve Weeks

Wow. Today I am twelve weeks pregnant. This is such a milestone for me! Reaching twelve weeks means that my risk of miscarriage goes way down below 1%. It means that we’re “in the clear” as much as anyone could be. I’m so amazed. And grateful.

I was thinking this morning about my journey so far and all of the things I’m thankful for. One thing I’m really thankful for is the two years I spent going through secondary infertility. I guess that might sound strange to say I’m thankful for that, but I really and truly am. Going through the many months of trying and hoping to become pregnant really changed me. Although it has been so painful, it has really stretched and grown me into someone I never could have been otherwise. I know I’m not some great and wonderful spiritual giant, but I am closer to God than I ever have been before. And I have learned what it really means to trust Him - not just to say that I do, but to really have faith in His plan even when it makes no sense to me. I have had to give myself to God in a new way and have become much better for it.

I have also grown so much closer to my husband through this journey. He has proven over and over again to be my rock. He has listened when I needed to talk, to cry, to vent. He has consoled me and stayed by my side through diagnoses, surgeries, medications that made me act crazy, and four devastating losses. He has been understanding even when he doesn’t understand. I am so thankful for him and the support he has given me.

I am grateful for my little girl, a little miracle. She is two and a half, beautiful, and full of life and joy. She enriches my life every single day. And finding out that the odds were against me even when I conceived her has made me appreciate her even more. I know that she was meant to be part of our family and I am so glad she is ours!

I am really thankful that my journey in infertility was only two years. As hard as that has been for me, there are many women who have endured it much longer. And there are many women who haven’t come out “on the other side” with healthy pregnancies and babies. Those women have had to be so much stronger than I have. I pray for them every day!

I am thankful for the four babies that God allowed me to carry even though I was never able to hold them in my arms. They are true treasures and I think about them every single day. I love them with a mother’s love and look forward to being reunited with them one day in heaven. Although it was heartbreaking each time I suffered another loss, I never wished that I hadn’t had them at all. I have always been grateful for the time I had with them, even though it was so short.

I treasure the women I have met and the relationships that I have formed as a result of the past two years. I have come to know so many brave women who have lifted me up, prayed for me, encouraged me, and been a part of my growth. No one wants to join the “club” of women who have gone through infertility or suffered miscarriage or infant loss. But these women are always willing to welcome new “members” with open arms of love, prayer, and understanding. I don’t know how I could have made it through these last two years without such women.

Lastly, I am beyond grateful for this new life growing inside of me. Although this new baby is still small, (the size of a peach - at least that’s what I read this morning) I have been feeling and seeing the effects of the rapid growth that is taking place inside my body. I have been extremely sick and miserable and SO happy to feel that way because I know that it is the result of many prayers - not just mine but the prayers of so many others! There was definitely a time when I surrendered my wishes for my family to the Lord and told Him that we would be satisfied with having just one child. And I meant it. I was finally content with what God had already given me. And that makes me even more grateful for this special new blessing.

Reaching this milestone is certainly a momentous occasion for me. I have worried less and less each week as this pregnancy has progressed. I think I really can just relax now and enjoy this wonderful gift that God has given me. And I certainly will enjoy it and appreciate it more because of how long I have waited for it!

So many things to be thankful for today!