Let It Strengthen You

I have had a tough couple of weeks. I have been going through a private struggle and craving prayers. I have been seeking God’s face over and over and begging for His mercy. And He has shown it to me over and over again.

Bad things happen. They will always happen. In this wicked and sinful world there is no escaping them. But this quote I came across is so true - we have a choice. When the storm comes we do not have to sit down in the rain and give up. We don’t have to become “the person who went through that really terrible thing.” We can choose to simply rise above and become even stronger than we were before. But the key word is choose. Because becoming stronger isn’t something that will just accidentally happen.

There have been days when I have been tempted to cry all day long. There have been days where I wanted to stay in my fog and push everyone away. There have been days when I wanted to play the victim - to make everyone feel sorry for me. But I didn’t get any stronger on those days. Those were the days when I was letting my pain destroy me.

There have been times that my pain and loss was all I could see. I forgot who I was before my struggle with secondary infertility because I was so wrapped up in being that person. I ignored who I could be and focused on my pregnancy losses and my grief. On those days, I was not practicing gratitude or availing myself to God’s grace. I was simply allowing my pain to define me.

But there have also been days when I used my pain to become closer to God - to really lean on Him in a way I had never been able to before. I have tried to use my pain to point to Him, to show those around me that He is real and He is sovereign and that I know He truly does work all things together for good to them that love Him. I have tried to use these bumps in life to climb even higher and draw myself even closer to the God that created me and loves me and knows me - even among the billions of other people on this earth. And in all of these moments I have allowed my pain and struggle to strengthen me. And that is the better blessing that I am always asking God to show me.

I truly believe that God allows painful circumstances in our lives for a reason. Sometimes we get to see and understand that reason after some time has passed. But there are some things we will never understand. And that’s okay too. If we were meant to understand it then we would never learn what it is to really trust our Lord, to lean on Him, to need Him.

This song has been playing in my mind lately. It’s full of the raw emotion that I am feeling. It speaks about my pain but also about surviving that pain and being held by God. That is what I am seeking today - to be held by Him, to rest in Him, to find peace in Him even in the midst of my sorrowful circumstances. And I pray that whatever you are going through, you will seek to be held by Him too!

Held
by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held