Same Story, New Chapter

I am in the middle of a new chapter. Honestly, I don’t know how this one is going to end and I have been waiting to share it with most of you just as I did the last two times. Today I was thinking about my reasons for not sharing it yet and they are as follows:

- I don’t want to make anyone who knows me uncomfortable.

- I worry about what people will say. “Doesn’t she know she shouldn’t say anything until she’s sure everything is okay?" Infertility and miscarriage are often treated as “taboo” subjects in our culture. I wish we could get past that, but for many people it’s hard to talk about. They don’t want to see someone suffering. So we suffer in silence.

- I don’t want to be “that girl.” The one who keeps getting pregnant and keeps losing babies. “Doesn’t she see that she’s pushing her luck? When will enough be enough? She should quit trying. It’s putting her in danger and it’s too hard on her. She should probably just adopt." Some people actually say things like that because they have no idea what it’s like to be in my position. It’s hard to be judged as someone who is selfish when in reality you have so much to give and just want someone to give it to.

- I don’t want pity. Those looks, those hugs. The whispers when I walk by. I can’t handle that! What I need is encouragement and prayer, not long faces and silence.

- I don’t know the end of this chapter. It’s hard to share it when I’m still in the middle of it and I don’t know where it’s going. The emotions are so raw. But perhaps if you see how desperate I am you will be compelled to pray for me even more.

So those are reasons why I have not yet shared the beginning to this new story. But then I thought about the reason why I wanted to share my latest news. And the truth is, I desperately long for your prayers! You see, I’m pregnant (again). And while for most people that’s great news, for me it just brings fear. And as weird as it may be for people to know that I’m expecting even though I’m only four and half weeks along, I would much rather you know and pray then for me to wish I had asked more people to pray for me and spend any time wondering “what if.” Maybe sharing the news this early wouldn’t be right for everyone, but for me, right now, it feels like the right thing to do.

So as I share this story with you, I ask that you take time after reading each entry and pray. Pray for my emotional strength, pray for my own physical well-being, and please pray for the health and safety of this new life that God has created.

I am going to share my story one piece at a time and in a few days you’ll be all caught up. You’ll be wondering, just as I am, how this story will end for me. I’ll start with the words I wrote down the day I found out.



You can read the beginning of my new story here.

Comments

  1. You know I am praying for you and that precious little one the Lord is knitting together... You have my prayers in this journey... so good to see you last Tuesday:)

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