The End Of The World - Or Maybe Not

21 December 2012

Today is supposed to be “the end of the world.” For me, at one point, it seemed close. I went in for my second blood test to see how my hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were increasing. The nurse ordered the test “stat” so that I could get the results today and (hopefully) enjoy my weekend without having to worry. But I was nervous. I don’t want to be nervous, but I just can’t help it. When you’ve been “jaded” it’s hard to trust again. That’s true in all areas of life.

I was at lunch with a dear friend when I got the call. My levels were at 197. I freaked out. This morning I looked at a chart online. It showed the “normal” ranges of numbers and according to the chart I should have been past 1,000 today. So 197 sounded like terrible news. But the nurse said the numbers were good, close to doubling, and that I had nothing to worry about right now. I tried to act fine, but my sweet friend told me it was okay to be upset, so I did cry a little. And by the time I got home the floodgates had opened and I was sobbing and begging God to please save this sweet baby.

Then I started doing some math. If my levels doubled every 48 hours, as is considered “normal,” they should have been around 300 today, not 1,000. (Stupid internet.) And for many women it is very common that their levels double every 72 hours instead of every 48. If that were the case, then I would be right on target. Basically, I am on the very lowest end of “normal.” That didn’t necessarily ease my mind - I’m still terrified. But it did bring me out of freak out mode and back into worry mode, which is much better even though it’s still not great.

My next test is Wednesday, five days away. That is a LONG time to wait, but due to the weekend and then Christmas it’s the earliest day available. I’m not sure if my math is right but I hope to see levels above 500 on my next test. So please pray that things increase as they should and that I get some good news.

I won’t be able to have an ultrasound and see a heartbeat until the first of the year and until that moment I will continue to worry. But I know that my God is sovereign and that if it is His will He can and will keep this baby safe and healthy. I’m blessed to have so many sweet friends and family who have prayed for me already and have encouraged me and sent messages to check on me. I know that no matter what happens, God will use it for good.

Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine, Lord!

Comments

  1. Kristi.... when we did our embryo adoption with levi... I NEVER doubled every 48 hours.... I was always on the low end of normal and all turned out great.... I know how you cant help but worry no matter how much you trust in the Lord... it is hard... praying for you!!!

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  2. I'm sorry - I know it's scary! My 2nd beta didn't even come close to doubling this time. It went from 60 to 86 in 2 days. I thought it was over. But every beta since then, as well as my first u/s have been perfect! God works miracles :-) Hugs!

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  3. Thanks girls! That is so very encouraging!

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